LUV YA 4EVER

He fainally ask for patch just last week! Things has been going smoother and smoother... Just last sat[27/8/05] he huged me!!! He's strong arm tighted around me, his warm body leand aginest me....i'm happy! I still remember the last time we patch,there were no movement for weeks and i had to make the first move....But now,he made the first one....And just now...just now....wha~!!! i can't say already....I'M BLUSHING REAL HOT!!! ICE WATER!!! I NEED ICE WATER PLZ!!! Breath in....breath out...breath in....breath out....phew...that was so hard to say...even by thinking of it make be blush....but dun worry...it's nth dirty....lol! My lip's still wram sia.... so happy today... And i had never knew Andy would be so scard of my doggie..... And he would even been fooled around by Hong Xian and Dong Wen....so cute sia andy.....if only he would be like tat in school.....haiz...but i know that that would never happen.... Well my last words are:HX I LUV U FOREVER AND WILL NEVER EVER LET U GO AGAIN~!!!! NEVER EVER!!!!!

happier....

Now a day i've became happier le...i can at least talk to him....and be with him...i no longer need to walk in his shawdows any more....i cold see his smail,feel his warms and hear his voice...i'm really happy already...even though he's only moii PaPa...but that's all i need to be near him...even though i get jelousy when he got close to Wee Teng,...but i'll always stop myself from jelousing....coz i belive that Wee Teng know what's she's doing...and i belive wee teng when back stab me....coz she know i like hx....But papa....521. .1314. .184. .520...[<---learn from wee teng de]
Pa Pa...even when i knew that it's imposible for us already...but....but i'm still waiting...as i belive that fate is fair...and i luv u too much to let u go already....521. .184.....

tickkle tickkle!!!

Today hx and Dong Wen came to my house...We had lots of fun today...it was really happy..I'm not telling u what really happen but it really fun thought~
But no dirty thoughts plz....nth dirty ok...it's just a game we're playing only~...the game was fun~ and we had alot of joy and laughter togerher...even inthe end we had quite a number of injuring...but it's worth it...And so long i never pinch hx face le...today at last can pinch till i happy...wahahaha....i can even see a scard on my hand...lol...but nvm...as long as i could be frenz with hx angin,even if it die...it's worth it...wahahaha...As long i can see his caring smile....hear his gental voice...feel his cosy touch...everything dosen't matter at all already...even if it's injure or death...i'm willing to do it just for him....even as frenz....Becoz i belive...one day we might be togerher...I wanna wait...and i will wait!.....

many happy returns....

Today is a really happy day...infact,ever snice i started play CS with them, i've been happy~!
today i went to CS with Hong Xian,Andy and Cristoher....then we played with other ppl in the game room too it was fun though...well..atleast i'm getting better~...wahaha...Then After Cs, we went to northpoint...then later crit bring us to the un exsit shop of his friend and then he went off back to school for BB...Then left me,Hx and Andy...then we shop shop a while then i saw my peixin friend...so andy and hx wanna play hide and seek marz...so they ran off without me to popularz to see PS2 games...then i couldn't find them so went backl to lever 2 and waited beside the Power9 shop...standing beside the shop brings back many many many memories...the happy ones...the sad ones...and then stupid ones....i almost cried while thinking of those stupid things i done...and now even lost them...and felt like crying...but i control my tears and think...i wanna be strong...i wanna work hard to achived what i wanted....even though i didn't get what i wan...but at lest i got him as a frenz...it's more than enough already~....so i waiting for 5 to 10 mins then go up to 3th floor to look for then...while going up the ex-cur-lator,i saw them..just beside it...and i was so happy then i could just jump up and hug him...but i couldn't ofcoz...but i'm also sad at the same time..coz my mind is still running with thoughts of last time...then we went to min-toons and then andy wanna buy sweet but he had no money left so i gave and $1 while hx gave 50cent
well...hx still got some money left~then andy pick the sweets and weight it and pick and weight...then at last got the correct amount then while walking out dunno what hx and andy toking about as my mind is still with thoughts and then andy ask me if i wanna eat the sweets and i just stright away say nope...the hx got a shock and say huh!!! so loundly...that the thoughs in my mind just ran away...then later we found a spot to settle things down to have a rest...so they continew to eat while toking about the pattens behinds us...and they even play with their sweets...even hought hx got hit my head and push my head...but he did it even gental than before...and then later when they wanna go hom, i sent them till the bus stand there and then wait for the bus with them....while waiting,hx keep on asking me to eat the sweets but i keep on say dun wan...coz i wan them to eat the sweets...it's not like as if i put posion it it~ but it's becoz sweets plays an important part in life...sweets have many meaning...

1st meaning:ppl who like to give their frenz sweets is becoz they want to be friends with them forever...and hope that nth unpleasent would happen to break their friendship....

2nd meaning:some ppl give their frenz sweets becoz they loves to share so much then they would suffer for their frenz....they would like to see the smiles on their frenz face when they recived it as it bring pleasure in their heart as well as their frenz....

3th meaning:ppl give their frenz sweets becoz maybe their friends are not really happy or are angry with them so they give sweet as a form of "sorry plz forgive me" or "cheer up!"...they presous their friends so much that they wanted to see the smiling faces of their's....

Well as for me...i give sweet for all thouse meanings above...as i really treasure my frenz so much...even though i always buy sweet for them everyday untill i also dun have any money left for myself...but it's worth it...as i wan my frenz to be happy...and i wanna frenz them forever~...and sometimes i could see my frenz being sad...so i wanted to cheer them up with the sweets...and sometimes i am just so stupid to do wrong things that mead them angry...so it's also mean sorry~....

Well back to the part where hx were call me to eat sweets but i dun wan....then after that...we kept quiet for a while then i suddenly felt like singing ...so i sang~ then hx say i'm someone who is name "sofl radio".....lol...then later on the bus came and when hx and andy going up the bus that time, i say bye bye to them and hx smile to me and turn back and walk into the bus...that smile...i remember...it was the same,gental,caring,kind smile that he use to give me before....i felt so happy to see those smile again...to know how much he cre for me and a frenz...i'm really happy...i'm so happy to feel him gental and warm touch...even it's just a beating or a push on the head...and felt happy to hear those gental voices and seing the gental smiles...those thing add a little light into my life...for my present and my furture.....as i watch the bus left,i feel a little sad...but i know i'll still see him...on monday...and there's no douth on it...i look forward for that day....

when i went home,my frenz shaiful and hx got a misunderstood so i tell hx what had really happen...then at the same time i scard he angry so also ask him not to be angry and ask him to realxe and cool down...and i help him blow wind...even it's only a word....lol...then i went back to my game lorz...then went i came back i saw him reply back something..i'm gald that he reply in a happy manner coz i scard he angry~...>.<>

even though...

even though i can't be with you....but being frenz will just be enough...even though you scolded me....but listening to your voice will just be enough....even though if you slap me....but feeling your warm will just be enough....even though wwe could just talk on the phone....but it brings me 1 step closer to you....even though we hardly talk in class...being with you would just be enough....even though i walk slower that you....but looking at your back ground will just be enough...
You voice...ur looks...ur warm....ur words...ur expression....will also live within me...within my soul...within my life...within my heart...and within my memories....forever..it'll stay...forever..it'll be...forever it be kept...lock and remembered....i'm sorry for hurting you...so sorry...i regreted...i really sorry...i really mean it....sorry...sorry sorry....
Sorry for making you cry...sorry for letting u hurt so much....sorry for everythings...sorry...now i feel the pain...the suffering...the hardness of being in your shoe...that time i was selffish....unresonalble....uncaring...unkind...greedy... and alot alot more...i've never tried to feel how you would feel...think how you would think....and cry how u would cry...i'm sorry...sorry sorry sorry.....i noe it's too late already...i didn't mind if i got lesser than i wish for...as long as i could be with you...even as frenz....i dun mind...as long as i could her your voice...see your smile...nth could be more important than that already....really...

i'll wait...no matter what....

I really like him alot...i dun wanna let him go....haiz...but now...there's no turning back....i am now punish by the god of being so bad...to hurt the one that really luvs me and to lie to my feelling that i had always contain in my heart....the god wanna shown me how foolish i am to let him go....how selfish i am to hurt him...how evil i am to treat him that way....and now i had knew what i had done...and are willing to punish myself for my own wrong doing....and to push away all that like me...and concentrad on him...wait for him...luv him...guild him...protect him...i had already done my best to show him how much i cre for him...and now the only hope is fate ,desterny and god...hx...i'm willing to wait for you...as long as i can...and are willing to offer...as much luv as i can....even thought if you like someone else....i'll help you to win her heart...encourge you to wait for her...and give you all the surport you need...as long as you're happy...i'm happy too...as long as you are safe...my life means are your's to have...my fate and hope...my suffer and happyness are now in your hands...no matter you're willing to accept my life to protect you....i'll take it as you had already accept...and do whatever i can to make you happy....You can scold mii....shout at mii...box mii...slap mii...i won't mind...as long as you'll feel better after beatinng or scolding mii...it'll be worft it....

fear that's in me....

Hours by hours,days past....and the fear in mii had still remained....the things that hurt still stayed...and the scar that had been made...stayed too....his words...pain ones...sad ones...happy ones...shy ones...will forever remain....his voice....high ones...low ones..firce ones...shy ones...will remain...his look and expressions.....happy ones...sad ones...shy ones...angry ones....will always be there...in my mind....no matter how scary....how pain...how suffering...it'll stay...
I wanna be...i wanna be the ones...beside him...making him happy...but...can i?...
i really mean it....the fellings....the feelings of all of these thing burnt inside mii...telling mii to go for it...telling mii to be strong...telling me to stay...and wait for him...it's just so strong that...i can't forgot of the feelings when i held him hand...feels his warm...hear his voice...and the thing that he says...the more i think of it...the more strengthless i am...being defeted by the feelings of pain....i really wanted him to know how i feels...how i think...and how i am...but is it too late?...haiz....hong xian...i really like you...alot....no...i mean i really luv you alot....if i could be with you...i would hold you tight and would never let you go again...never ever....