Today i acturly didn't wan to go to school but i though about hx and force myself to go and ran to school...When i reach schol,my poket is really full and heavy that i ask hx to keep my yu ki oh cards for miie. He frounded and looked angrily at miie. I then took my cards back and said nvm. Just when i was turning back, he scolded miie a really painfull word... "lan dou"...
I was stun then. My heart felt as if it's been frozen and smashed in to peices. I really felt lyk crying then...but i controled. When i went back to class, i was so sad that i stayed at my place and listen to i-Pop song and slowly controling and atlast, i couldn't take it any more and started to cry quietly... Luckily Wee Teng nv notice... After i cried, i felt better and slowly turn back to my quiet feellings. I went to play U-no with hilia,Dong wen,izaird and Johnatan. Then i slowly started to peek at hx. Untill i feel alot alot more better then went to an empty sit beside hx and sat down. I sat there quietly looking kinda sad and then he asked "what's wrong?" Then i answer "nth..." smile and lie down on the table. I felt better then and started to smiled and laugth.

It haven ended here yet... After school i had to go do a 20mins librian so i told him. He came to the libiry looking for miie after i told him and i was really touch and happy...Then he had Wu Su so i went to the hall with him after he changed his cloths and sat down with him. Later on when his Wu Su member friends came, they made fun of miie and him. He then ask miie to go home first coz later the Wu Su members need to use the spot where i and him were sitting. I then agree and tell him " then wo hui jai le...bye bye..." He then say " sorry hor..." So i reply " ni bu yong sou sorry...ying kai sou sorry de ren shi wo.." i hen smile and walk home... On my way home i met my pri schoold's friends's mother and talk to her awhile and then went to a book shop and bought colour paper to fold paper crane... i walk untill a block and the rain got bigger so i sat down and took out the colour paper and started folding paper crane. When the rain got smaller, i walk quickly home and then sat down infront of the com and waited for hx to return home to call miie... i waited and waited... Things started to get borning but i still wanted to wait for his call and dare not leave the phone alone... Soon after, my ah ma called then my mum called then at last, he called... I was so happy!!! But soon after...we quraled... I told him then i went to newgrounds.com to watch the short movie there and then he told miie that's a pron site...i know it's a pron site but the short movie there were not even a bit porn...infact...some are vilonce...as long as u dun go see the pron there can liao marz... i had send one of the movie to some of the northland friends like Wee Teng and Wee Seng...dun belive ask them lorz... Then he also call miie not to tok to don wen too much as he watch alot of pron site and if i not careful,i might be one of the tester for him... I say orh and then say i didn't really tok to him one larz so dun worry...Then that's where the qural begains...

Every little words he said hurtz so much...i really couldn't help forcing myself not to cry.... Dunno how long can i take this any longer....
I really love him alot alot...really can't bare to let him go....but it really hurtz alot...
Haiz....what shall i do?....can anyone tell miie?...i dun wan to breal with him....but it hurtz....

Today i kinda qurale with hx again....

I'm always scare to play survival project(online game) coz i'm scare that he'll get angry...Coz i'm always standing on his fire line and so i lyk kinda block his attack for the oppnent...And always almost made us lose... And the game got emotions de marz... So i kept useing the crying emotions,then he ask miie why i cry then i tell him coz i miss 1 fire sprits. But i got two back by killing someone in the game.Then he lyk sound bewi the angry and told miie that he hates ppl who cry 4 nth and make ppl worry one...so i say sorry...my fault...sorry... Then he say it's not my fault, and told miie hw he really feels. And so i wanna tells him hw i really feel inside...Here it gose...

Hong Xian....
I really wanna make u happy and smile all day long...
But i've always fail to do so...
I'm already trying my best to hold my tears back when ever u say things that hurt miie alot...
I'm already trying moii best not to get angry easily as we'll end up quralling if i do...
I felt bewi happy when i'm near u and really magical when i felt ur warmth....
Where ever i am or whatever i do, i really wish that u'll always be by my side....
Holding ur hand and hugging u is the happies moment of my life...
When ever u tok to miie in an gental and caring way, i felt very lucky to hab u...
Ur gental smile had neber fail to brighten up my day....
When ever i had to leave or say gd bye, my heart hurts as i really miss u and don't bare to leave u...
I use to lyk sat and sun daes but now i hate them becoz i can't see u on these daes...
Unable to see or hear ur voice makes miie feels un-coufortable...
Every little things that u gib miie is very valuable to miie...
Every touching word that u say had remains in my heart including the painfull ones...
I'm trying my best to forget the painfull words so that it could become a scar instead or an bleading injurey....
I really wanna know more about u...to understand u...so that i can make u happy....
I dun care what ppl think of u...or what ppl say about u...all i know is i belive in who u are and what i've seen...
I've always belive in what u say and trusted u so much that i told u almost every single thing that happen around miie...unless i'm told to keep it a secret...
When ever ppl say u names, a sharp neddle will always poke my heart and that makes miie angry of that person who say u...
I had always think of u every nite be4 i sleep....
Even though sometime u scold miie lazy or whatever,i'm hurt and felt lyk crying but i control it all...
Even though u mistook miie for something and scold miie, i would always keep quiet and cry in my heart...
I'm really happy for everything that u done...
You would nv know when i cried or did i cried coz i will nv ever cry infront of u coz i dun wan u to get angry or worry....
I really hope u'll "ti liang wo" and atleast try to understand hw i feel, as i had tried to too....
If u had tried ur best already then that's al rite....

This might just be some of it only...Some can only be felt when something happens...

~*~*Pome*~*~
[I] had nv fell so deeply and freely in lubb be4...
[L]ightly and solfly the painfulness will eco...
[O]utwardly my smiling stands....
[V]isously the painfulness hurtz...
[E]ven though they really pain...u're
[C]uring it with ur gental smile....
[H]owever the scars will still remain....
[E]ven if some are cured....
[O]nly some are bleading away....
[N]ow it slowly fade away....
[G]oing deep into my memories....
[H]ow would u know where it really hurt?...
[O]nly when u understands....
[N]ow if u really would belive....
[G]o and screach at rite this place....
[X] is the spot where it really hurt...
[I]n the deep deep middle middle up up lefty lefty....
[A]nd if u really do find it....
[N]ever will it be exsist again....

Slowly, steadyly, u'll understand....