mix feellings

elloz everyone again...

i've read the tags some ppl given miie...i thanks u alot...no matter who u are...
i know i've been selfish onli thinking about kim... but that's not it...i might only write about kim in my blog...but that dosen't mean i didn't think about my mom...i know mummy loves miie alot...that's why she's being so nice to miie now...buy miie ps2,handphone and wadever i requested for...i've been thinking...i should make use of this point that she's being nice to miie...tt's why i'm trying to limit wadever i want....i'm saving money now...to buy the things i need...instead of juz keep asking her...i know it's easy tt way...but i didn't take that advantage...i loves my mom alot...i did qurall with her sometime...not becoz i wanted to go aginest her...juz becoz...i wanted her to know i've grown...i know wad should be done and wad should not be done...i want her to turst miie...and believe in wad i am doing... mommy told miie no more steads and kind of stuff...i know having kim is againest her thinking already...but i've make up my mind...i told myself...i will not stead untill i could find someone that could respect miie,and that i feel coftable with...and that would not be found so easily...every time i felt a little liking on someone...i will reconsider...i'll ask myself...do i realli like him...or is it juz as friends liking...and i know now...that...all this while...most of my stead is as friends liking...and that it's as close as best friends...that's y it's so hard for miie to know which is which and to let go of...i am already...trying my best...to let go of kim...but...i dun bare u know...but...if i dun let go...i'll be hurt more...and so dose him...i think...i love my family...my sisters...my parents...and i'm realli sorry...for letting them down...i dun even have face to cry infront of them already...every time i feel like crying...i'll controll...i dun wanna be the cry baby i used to be already...i've cry too much that even when i cry, my mom will thought i am only sheading crocodile tears...i dun wanna be treated that way...i like being pamper...but...this thinking must stop...i am a teenage now...i have to grow out of this...even if it's hard...i have to try even if it needs miie to cry in the dark forever... but atleast...trying to smile even if it's a fake smile infront of my family is good...atleast i won't make them so worry about miie...they had been worried enough already...it's time i show them i've grwon and can take care of myself now...but i'll still need some guilds in between my life...so as to make sure i dun get lost again...i'll try...

For kim...miie n him will end soon...he has become so selfish...alot of ppl has notice the great change in him...much i guess...i can no longer understands him ani more...it's like he's a stranger...i dunno how to talk to him ani more...talking to him makes miie feel so stress now...i dare not say some things as i'm afried that he'll get angry...it's so hard to even talk to him...haiz...

About school...i've change class...it's realli hard to blend into my new class but i have to try...it feel realli empty there...like...i dosen't belong there...i miss my own class...2nb...it's...where i belong...where my sprit realli belongs...in my new class...i feel so loney...every thing so strange...so...scary...i hate it....every time i think of going back to school...i realli feel so upset...haiz...but thanks to wen qing...my primary school kor even untill now,he's in the same class as miie and being with him make miie feel home...atleast better...coz he's always being very nice to miie and we could realli interact well...but my study still can't cope well...hope it gets better...

[X][u][e]-->Siging out...
Feellings-->mix...sad..lost...